Truth for the Trenches

The alarm dings at 5:30 a.m. in our house. It is quiet. I don’t have to rush out the door to an office. The kids are sleeping. No one is pulling on me yet. I am able to think about the day, listen to God, exercise, throw in laundry or take a shower uninterrupted. The kids slowly come running in or dragging blankets down the stairs and the day has begun but, I still have control. The day is only about my family so far. Breakfast, books, coffee, switching that aforementioned load of laundry. I don’t mind my family’s noise, the mess (usually), the needs, the wants. But, when my phone starts ringing and beeping; when there are messages to return; outside people’s expectations to meet; appointments to get to on time I start to feel the stress rising. My kids all of suddenly are now in the way. This is the opposite of how I want to see them. It is not the demands on my family within the walls of my house that I can’t handle (well, on good days). It is the outside requirements

God provides in abundance: do we believe that? We read about it as the Israelites wander the dessert, as David ran for his life, and in the miracles Jesus performed on earth. And yet, we still think we have to earn His help; that we have to be good enough or worthy enough for…. The truth is, His love doesn’t have to be earned! It was never meant to be. It was given as a gift, it pours out of Him not because He chooses for it to but because it is who He is. He desires our good, He has come after us, we are His and there is no other way He can respond except in love. But, in our understanding of love we have confusing definitions. It is so many things. It is not often that we receive undeserved love and when we do we question if it is real. This love that is given to us freely, forgiveness that is offered, grace that is bestowed is a glimpse of what God has given us in abundance. So, we should expect His provision, protection, and love. We should expect abundance f

Jealousy. That is the emotion I experience when I see pictures of my friend at Hamilton because her husband whisked her away on a surprise long weekend, when my 10-year anniversary is having pizza out of the box standing in my parent’s kitchen and not a romantic second honeymoon like my cousin’s, when my coworker gets a beautiful diamond added to her necklace as a “push present” each time she has another child. Jealousy is my reaction. Those women seem to be loved with an obvious effort, a showering of love that is an outward expression of a daily feeling and choice. Why do I not celebrate their gifts with them? Why does jealousy creep in and convince me my husband loves me less than theirs? Why do I cheapen my husband’s love with disappointment because it looks less glamorous? We all desire to be loved, to be cherished, wanted, desired for who we are and not who we pretend to be to outsiders. This longing isn’t wrong because it points to something greater than ourselves.