Monday, July 12, 2010

Grace to not be...

"Give me grace...to reject as delusion a great name here or hereafter..."

I read this in a book of prayer, The Valley of Vision and it got me thinking about what I want to give me a great name. Something I been realizing lately in this time of transition is my deep desire to be the perfect wife. I mistakenly view my worth in whether my house is perfectly clean, or I cooked a great dinner, not being stressed out and emotional, or having all the laundry done...and the list goes on! The other huge error in this is thinking my husband loves me for having all these things done perfectly.

I asked him the other night to help me figure out my cleaning schedule because in a new house with more time I was wanting to balance things well and I wasn't sure how to do it yet. His response was that this was the time to figure out how to balance things, not to think of the perfect schedule to accomplish it all. He said I needed to start doing and evaluate the process for a little while. Well, I didn't like this at all because this meant not doing everything perfectly the first time and continuing the perfection in the weeks to follow.

But he was RIGHT!!! No one except myself if expecting me to be
the cleaning fairy who magically gets everything done perfectly well and in perfect time! I didn't want a schedule for this new life so that I could maintain our house well, balance time with friends and be a help to my husband. I wanted a schedule so I had criteria to hold my day up to and measure my perfection and failures.

So, in this time of transition when I am processing through how life should look I am also very aware that my worth is in Jesus and not my performance. My husband loves me because God gives him grace to do so everyday not because he comes home to the Clorox Castle. I am not cleaning my house to gain the perfect housewife award but to be a good steward of what God has given us, I am not cooking dinner to be the best chef but to feed my family and I am not doing laundry so my husband loves me but to be a help to him so he doesn't have to do it when he gets home. I am resting in God's grace to not be a picture of perfection!

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