Truth for the Trenches

Jealousy. That is the emotion I experience when I see pictures of my friend at Hamilton because her husband whisked her away on a surprise long weekend, when my 10-year anniversary is having pizza out of the box standing in my parent’s kitchen and not a romantic second honeymoon like my cousin’s, when my coworker gets a beautiful diamond added to her necklace as a “push present” each time she has another child. Jealousy is my reaction. Those women seem to be loved with an obvious effort, a showering of love that is an outward expression of a daily feeling and choice. Why do I not celebrate their gifts with them? Why does jealousy creep in and convince me my husband loves me less than theirs? Why do I cheapen my husband’s love with disappointment because it looks less glamorous? We all desire to be loved, to be cherished, wanted, desired for who we are and not who we pretend to be to outsiders. This longing isn’t wrong because it points to something greater than ourselves. ...

We are those parents who don't throw birthday parties and don't give our own kids Christmas gifts...(gasp, scream, shock, horror). I know, you probably think we are awful. I actually thought my husband was awful when he said this was the way he wanted to do it. But, I love it now! Don't be fooled, our kids get lots of gifts on their birthday, holidays and we celebrate their birthday with lots of fun! But, we also want them to be given gifts on days just because... ...it is Tuesday ...we love them ...we knew they would like it ...they lost a first tooth ...they were brave ...we wanted to  We want giving gifts to come from a heart of love and giving to others. I know this is the heart our family gives to them out of and it isn't forced. We are using gifts as a very obvious lesson to them that they don't deserve or get things just because it is a birthday or Christmas. Jesus didn't come because we earned His love, He didn't come because we were goo...

As a stay at home mom I look to define “my job”. As words start to fill the description it quickly becomes obvious that no woman is capable of all that. I clung to the word “homemaker” for years to define who I was now. I liked that idea of creating a home. When I quit my job I felt the need to justify the loss of income by perfectly cooked meals, well planned grocery budgets, Pinterest decorated spaces, dust free corners and tidy organization strategies. I was missing the point. If a clean house was what my husband and I held in such high esteem we wouldn’t have needed a child to justify the loss of my income. I have always been a home maker. The home keeps changing along with the needs, but I was a home maker as a five year old helping my mom unload dishes. I was a home maker in training putting my dolls to bed each night. I was a home maker when I moved to college and when my husband and I bought our first house. Quitting my job as a producer wasn’t to take on a new job ...

    I am finding that I am in a new season of cultivating relationships. Continuing to foster life-long friendships, repair some, let go of others and create new ones. I had expectations of living next door to my best friends as we raised kids together. Cooking out on weekends as family, girl weekends to the beach and our kids becoming best friends as well. As I find this to not be my reality I’m finding it hard to picture what place friendships hold in this season of life. I am surrounded by 3 little people all day who need and want my undivided attention making play dates difficult for me and more of a parenting exercise in kid socialization than coffee with a friend for me. I moved away from 30 year friendships and there is no replacement from that. I was pregnant or nursing for the past 5 years and that put challenges on friendships. Life happened and friends moved away or choices drew us apart. But what I was so lovingly reminded of by my husband is that as...

It's not.most days we get to be one vacation, have an afternoon free of commitments, buy a really expensive new pair of shoes or get weekly date night. Joy isn't always something big but I've been looking at regular, ever day moments and noticing so many joy jewels tucked away in 30 seconds here or 5 minutes there. It's easy for me to fill my schedule so full of people, errands, and tasks that there aren't free moments to watch my kids interact or time to let our imaginations run wild. This summer as we wrap up school I am looking forward to intentionally planning for joy in our days! Here are the glimpses of joy I have noticed lately... what are the moments you have noticed in your life? My 4 year old drawing her brother and his curly hair!!! Sunshine and outside play in February, rare for Ohio and soooo amazing! My 2 year old holding this worm and making a "ssss" sound to tell.me what it is. Drinking out of mason ...

(1980s with my mom) As women we still find it hard to grow up. We want our moms to be the moms of our childhood. To forgive, not show their hurt feelings, hold us and love us. But do we let our moms be human? Do we let them be women? This is such a challenging relationship for most, a struggle and a joy tangled together. We want our moms to not have feelings, to not ask anything of us and to think we are the best. I promise your mom does think all those things. But, she is human, she is also a women and she has emotions; they range every spectrum just as yours do. She has expectations, she gets her feelings hurt and she can't turn off her desire and need to protect you. As we grow from girls to women and we ask our moms to allow us this freedom we have to give them the freedom to grow from a mom into a woman. As I got married I pushed away to form a new family with my husband. But, I hurt my mom in many ways and I didn't communicate well. She gracefully walked in h...

“I will sing with the voice that He’s placed in my soul So the world will hear what He was done We must sing if our hearts have been changed by our God Let the whole world know that he has come Come and sing with the angels to the king Come and bring Him your song” -Jeremy Quillo This song has been bouncing around in my head for a while. The idea of bringing Him my song has made me question: What is my song? I spend time thinking about what I am not, how I do not measure up or what I should be. God has given us each a purpose, we each reflect His beauty and glory to the world and we should build on the areas where we do this well. We should use them with a kingdom focus for a purpose: to “let the whole world know He has come”. We have different roles but I think the song we should sing, the gifts we should use are strengths that carry over throughout all those roles. My biggest role right now is being a mother and it is very hard for me. I am much ...