Truth for the Trenches

I wouldn’t allow him to have four bowls of cereal for breakfast. Riding his bike in underwear was against the rules and coloring with Sharpies on his grandmother’s Pottery Barn couch was out of the question. In an attempt to ignore the yelling and having a stuffed animal thrown at my face, I was buried in Instagram. Surely enough scrolling would make me numb to the name-calling. My five-year-old was furious at me. He threw a Costco-sized glass grinder of Pink Himalayan Salt on the kitchen floor. Shocked that it shattered, he ran upstairs crying "I'm stupid. No one likes me."    Being screamed at by my children was becoming an hourly battle. “How does that make you feel?” my mom asked me over the phone as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Their reactions revealed a thunderous roar of my own fears that I had been trying to ignore. The story I had been telling myself was: “I never get anything right. They are angry at everything I do. I messed this entire motherhood thing up....

We desire forgiveness, we desire to be known, to be loved for who we are. To have the freedom to eat ice cream in our swim suits with our wide thighs and bellies and a huge smile and not be judged. We long to have the acceptance of inviting someone over for dinner and it be leftovers. We want people that we can call on the phone sobbing hysterically and their response be, “I’m on my way over”. But, we hide. We strive for perfection and efficiency. We cry in our pillows silently. We clean the house before guests arrive not in an effort to show hospitality but to reveal: how great a housekeeper we are, how efficiently we can care for our children, tidy our home and cook a great meal all at once. We put on masks that protect us from revealing our weakness. We change who we are around different people because we long to be worthy, approved of, loved and accepted.     When we don’t reveal our shortcomings, when we hide our weakness, and cover up our failures we keep oursel...

God provides in abundance: do we believe that? We read about it as the Israelites wander the dessert, as David ran for his life, and in the miracles Jesus performed on earth. And yet, we still think we have to earn His help; that we have to be good enough or worthy enough for…. The truth is, His love doesn’t have to be earned! It was never meant to be. It was given as a gift, it pours out of Him not because He chooses for it to but because it is who He is. He desires our good, He has come after us, we are His and there is no other way He can respond except in love. But, in our understanding of love we have confusing definitions. It is so many things. It is not often that we receive undeserved love and when we do we question if it is real. This love that is given to us freely, forgiveness that is offered, grace that is bestowed is a glimpse of what God has given us in abundance. So, we should expect His provision, protection, and love. We should expect abundance f...