Truth for the Trenches

             I have been there…that place where you say ‘yes’ to everything because you are trying to just survive. You are trying to just survive through breakfast, just survive until naptime, just survive until daddy gets home. I have been there, in that place where staying home all day with kids felt impossible, insurmountable. It felt so hard you couldn’t get out of bed or you did, but you never took off your pajamas. I have been in survivable mode where we turned on a show after each hour because it was a celebration of them eating breakfast, me sweeping one floor or I just needed to nurse the baby without the two-year-old eating the dog food. I didn’t say “no” other than in response to “Can I run through the parking lot?”             I tried to say “no.” I said “maybe”, I said “not right now”, I said, “I will think about it”. But, those answers were never clear and they just produc...

When I call my kids names I am met with silence. My voice no longer makes their ears turn on, in fact it might do the complete opposite! They don’t hear me over the TV show or playing or reading books. My voice has lost some power. Their lack of response makes me unsure if my directions are going to be followed. Often, they leave the room so I have a false sense of certainty that they are following directions. When they return thirty seconds later it becomes obvious they heard the noise of my voice but not the words. It’s time to take the power back! We need to get their attention before we start giving them tasks. We need to allow them to stop what they are doing so they can listen. Kids don’t multitask, they cannot think or play and take in extra information. Parents cannot remain patient and kind when completely ignored. I am always surprised when visiting my kids classrooms at how the teachers keep things quiet and calm. How they aren’t yelling over the volume of t...

My husband climbs into bed at night having to dust the fruit loop crumbs off the sheets. He doesn’t like it. I wipe them out of my side knowing why they were there---it was easier. Easier to not say “no” Easier to not fight with kids about where we eat food and where we don’t Easier to go to the bathroom alone and let them do what they want. Easier to not engage. But, I keep questioning, “Is my husband right?” I don’t like crumbs in the bed either. I often ignore what I like and give in to make it feel easy. I confuse resilience, the ability to withstand or recover quickly from a difficult situation, with being laid back. I think I am withstanding the toddler years because I am not entering the battle with them over e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g they do. I think I recover quickly because a Diet Coke or a cookie later and my mood has changed. Looking back on those years with three little ones, four-years-old and under I actually think it was survival. That is how we i...