How I Got My Kids To Listen
When I call my kids names I am met with silence. My voice no
longer makes their ears turn on, in fact it might do the complete opposite!
They don’t hear me over the TV show or playing or reading books. My voice has
lost some power.
Their lack of response makes me unsure if my directions are
going to be followed. Often, they leave the room so I have a false sense of
certainty that they are following directions. When they return thirty seconds
later it becomes obvious they heard the noise of my voice but not the words.
It’s time to take the power back!
We need to get their attention before we start giving them
tasks. We need to allow them to stop what they are doing so they can listen.
Kids don’t multitask, they cannot think or play and take in extra information. Parents
cannot remain patient and kind when completely ignored.
I am always surprised when visiting my kids classrooms at
how the teachers keep things quiet and calm. How they aren’t yelling over the
volume of the kids and how the kids turn their heads and listen.
In an
interview with The New York Times, Robert Abramson, director of the Dalcroze
Institute in Manhattan, says, ''When children can't stop talking, teachers wind
up screaming. You make a game of it, so children have to listen, move, balance,
watch…combining established rhythm and movement techniques…help students learn
to pay attention”.
So, I began to use a simple technique heard in many schools,
a rhythmic clap that my kids have to repeat. This is acknowledgement that they
know I am asking for their attention. It is an audible signal to stop what they
are doing. It is clear and direct. It doesn’t make me want to scream and yell
in frustration!
Kids like to move. Have you noticed how quickly they can
memorize things, sing songs and learn short simple tasks? This easy action of
clapping is developmentally appropriate. Expecting them to pause the TV show or
put down the toy when I start talking is always going to leave me frustrated.
It is unrealistic to think they will learn to do that without a few beginning
steps.
Clapping has become a training step in showing respect,
responding in a timely manner, obedience, and how to listen for cues. It has
created a habitual response that keeps their brain engaged.
What was unexpected was how it gave our kids independence
and confidence to get our attention in a less demanding way! Do you ever tire
of hearing your kids yell for you across the house? Worse, from the bathroom?
One way we helped our children learn to respond to us quickly was by letting
them use the clapping technique to call for us. When we would come to them and
praise them for not yelling our names across the house a new language was
created between us. A language that allowed us to hear each other and
communicate clearly, to give each other the attention deserved!
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